


I wanted to tell you

by altraes



Category: Naruto
Genre: ANBU - Freeform, Attraction, Fluff, M/M, Non-Massacre AU, Touching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 00:45:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15473772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/altraes/pseuds/altraes
Summary: Shisui was struggling to find the right words.But maybe he didn't have to...





	I wanted to tell you

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

"Listen, Itachi?" he said, "That thing I wanted to tell you..."

They were in a forest, alone, near the ruins of an ancient Uchiha shrine. It was cool and the silence was only filled with faint birdsong. Itachi waited for Shisui to continue.

"You know, years back when you had said I could tell you anything?"

Itachi nodded. He observed curiously, how Shisui rubbed the back of his neck with nervousness.

Shisui was his friend, his best friend, and it had been that way as long as he could remember. But sometimes things happened between them that normally wouldn't happen between best friends, and it made him feel a tugging sensation in his gut. Like in that dream he had last night, in which he was holding Shisui by the hand, stopping him from falling into a dark abyss. He wasn't pulling him up, he was simply just holding him in place. He knew he had to pull, but Itachi would hesitate, all the time.

A few trivial things would trigger these confusing feelings in Itachi; that lopsided smile Shisui would sometimes flash which was always so infectious, when he couldn't look away from Shisui's curls glinting in the sunlight, the time when Shisui had brought those special Kiri dango for Itachi when he'd gotten back from his mission from Kirigakure, the way it had felt when Shisui had pinned him down on his shoulders yesterday when they were training, and of course, the fond, furtive glances Shisui would shoot his way whenever Itachi did something that amused him.

He could also recall a few events that had led him to this stage too. They were hardly of any importance and were of no use to his knowledge or skills.

But they were nevertheless there, imbibed in Itachi’s head, and he found that he couldn't forget them at all. These small moments, these strange feelings, it made this whole notion of "best friend" immensely confusing to Itachi. In fact, they resurfaced as he looked at Shisui,  _every time_ he looked at Shisui _._

 

.

 

He knew it had started with this.

Itachi had witnessed people kissing a few times. He had thought nothing of it before, leaving it to blissful ignorance. He liked to believe that it didn't affect him in any way. Yet, he wondered why he was feeling so strange when he was seeing it now.

No, he was in denial. It didn't feel  _strange._ Right now, it felt unsettling. It felt uncomfortable. He couldn't ignore this unforeseen disappointment he was feeling...

... as he stared at Shisui kissing a girl at the side of a building.

They were going at each other quite fervently.

He watched how the girl's hands grasped into Shisui's unruly curls. Their eyes were closed and both of them were lost to the world. He watched Shisui's strong arms snake around the girl's waist, watched how his hands gripped her hips with need. Itachi stared unwaveringly at Shisui's lips working furiously. He noted the redness tinged across his cheeks.

Itachi's heart raced. His throat felt parched. He tried to avert his gaze, he really did, but his eyes would inadvertently stray back to the scene again.

The couple finally broke apart. They smiled at each other.

And that unsettling, feeling of disappointment came back.

"Thanks," he heard Shisui speak, who in turn cleared the hoarseness in his throat away before he said, "I wasn't really expecting this, but it helped."

"I'm glad I could be of service," the girl gave a winning smile, "But if you want to, you know..."

"I'm really not interested," Shisui said politely, as he stepped away from her, "I'm sorry."

The girl gave a little smile before she nodded, "It's cool." She gave him a flying kiss before she turned and strolled off.

Shisui walked away with a smile still playing along his lips. It faded all too suddenly when he noticed Itachi standing stiffly all by himself near the electric pole. Shisui's eyes widened. "Itachi?"

Itachi approached his friend, pretending, very successfully, to be at ease, "I have a message for you from Hokage-sama," Itachi informed, his tone businesslike, "He has requested to meet with him at once."

Shisui stood there, still looking a little surprised. "Okay, is it urgent?"

"He didn’t say so."

Shisui regarded him curiously, "How much did you see?" he asked carefully.

"Not much," Itachi lied, to his regret, a little too quickly.

Shisui eased a smile across his face, his eyes glinting with slight amusement, "Is that so?" he questioned not so questioningly.

Itachi didn't speak for a while, choosing to ignore the doubt-filled tone his friend used, "I wasn't aware you had a girlfriend."

"I don't," Shisui said.

Itachi blinked, "But..."

"She was just someone I met at the bar," Shisui smiled, "She asked me out, but I declined. I told her I wasn't interested." But apparently, they had struck up a conversation and he had enjoyed talking to her, and she had been "really sweet".

"I was feeling a little down," Shisui said with a shrug, keeping his hands in his pockets, "So she asked me if she could cheer me up, and talking to her eased it a little. I didn't actually expect she wanted to do that by kissing me too," Shisui grinned, "But... it helped."

Itachi didn't know what to say as they made their way to the Hokage's office, because, quite frankly, he'd never tried to 'kiss away' someone else's melancholy before. And he wondered why Shisui would choose to talk to someone else rather than, well, him.

"Something wrong?" Shisui asked, studying Itachi, noting his lack of response. Itachi didn't speak right away. He then looked at Shisui, "Why were you feeling that way?"

Shisui smiled a little, "I'm not sure. You know sometimes you just feel sad for no reason?" He glanced at Itachi and scratched his head nervously, "Well, I wasn't exactly sad, just confused and ... a little frustrated. That's all."

"You could have chosen to tell me instead of drowning it against somebody else's lips," Itachi spoke.

Shisui raised an eyebrow, a little surprised at the clipped outburst, and his lips curled up into a smirk, "Who's lips do you prefer I drown it against then?"

Itachi blinked, suddenly feeling hot in the face. "That... that was not what I was implying, of course," he turned his head away and closed his eyes as he walked, "You and I are friends. You know you can tell me anything."

Shisui chuckled bemusedly, "Yeah..." His voice was quieter now. Itachi opened his eyes and looked at his senior. Shisui had a small smile playing around the corner of his lips. He walked with his face to the sun, his eyes closed, as if basking his face in the light. "I might tell you someday when I get my thoughts together. How about that?"

Itachi still studied him, "Sure," he said finally. Shisui’s words left him curious, however, he felt regret for that uncharacteristic burst of emotion earlier. It wasn't like him and he couldn't tell why he felt that sudden flash of annoyance towards Shisui. They finally reached the Hokage's office building now and stopped there.

"Shisui," he said.

The older Uchiha looked at him curiously.

"I apologize for what I said earlier," Itachi spoke calmly, fixing his eyes on his senior, "I can't force you into telling me things. It wasn't my intention."

That familiar, friendly smile marked Shisui's face again, making his eyes look brighter – he had one of the brightest eyes, Itachi had noticed that time and again. The older Uchiha didn't say anything. He simply kept a strong hand on Itachi's shoulder and gave a reassuring squeeze. Then he turned and walked into the building.

As Itachi watched him leave, he touched his hand against his cheek. His face still felt hot.

 

.

 

This one was more recent.

Itachi had his nineteenth birthday the day before and Shisui thought they should celebrate by just hanging out on their day off, just the two of them.

They were in Itachi's room. The house was empty other than their presence – Mikoto had coaxed Fugaku into going grocery shopping with her, and Sasuke was out on one of those week-long missions with his team.

Shisui waited for Itachi to get ready as he sat on his bed. Itachi was combing his long hair and keeping his eyes on the mirror, he had to admit, almost forcefully, because he was trying his best to nonchalantly ignore Shisui's focused gaze on him. The senior was doing so relentlessly, sitting casually with his weight leaned back on his hands as he followed Itachi's slim fingers across his dark locks.

There was something in that room, Itachi felt it. The house was quiet – he could hear the tinkling rustle of the wind chimes from downstairs and the rhythmic fall of the bamboo fountain from the garden – it was peaceful, yet that obvious tension in the room was all too tangible.

The silence finally broke when Shisui said, "You're making me a little impatient, Itachi." He got up from the bed and made his way to his friend, and without asking, grabbed the comb from his hand. Itachi stood there, motionless with disbelief, as Shisui started to comb his hair.

"Shisui," he said, surprisingly calm, "What are you doing?"

A smile touched his lips, "What does it look like?"

Itachi blinked, "I mean, why?"

"I told you," Shisui said, still smiling as he ran the comb down Itachi's silky hair, "I got  _impatient_."

Itachi gazed at their reflection, still not quite understanding the vague reply, but he was an expert at hiding his emotions, so his face was empty of that initial shock, and devoid of showing any hints that his heart was threatening to beat right out of his chest. He just stood there, gazing at Shisui in the mirror calmly with his half-lidded eyes.

Shisui combed through the dark tresses gently, occasionally tugging through some rebellious knots, which was slightly painful, but somehow very soothing, as oxymoronic as that seemed. Itachi got the urge to lean his head back and close his eyes, but he couldn't find himself to, mostly because he couldn't look away from Shisui.

The older Uchiha had an amused glint in his eyes, his lips curled into a hint of a smile. And his eyes were dark, thick with something Itachi couldn't make out. Shisui put the comb away and started to gather the hair to tie it back, his fingers skimming lightly against the delicate skin over Itachi's neck.

He fought the shiver that ran down his spine.

Shisui then reached his fingers at the sides of Itachi's face, gathering the curtains of silky hair back. His fingers grazed the edges of Itachi's jaw.

His blood rushed.

However, Itachi held his calm very impressively, keeping his face passive.

And Shisui chuckled behind him, "Loosen up, will you, Itachi?"

' _Damn_.' He had been so preoccupied with keeping his cool that he'd let himself go all stiff. There had hardly been a time when he'd gotten past Shisui's perception skills.

He now felt his head being tugged back slightly as Shisui proceeded to tie his hair. After he was done, Shisui noted his handiwork. "Hmm, I think I left out a few strands..." By a 'few strands', he'd meant almost an entire lock hanging loosely beneath the floppy looking ponytail.

"I don't see how you allowed yourself to get impatient, when you’re clearly slower than I am," Itachi stated as he reached back to slip out the red band taming his hair, " _And,_ apparently, not as efficient at it."

"I didn't get impatient because you were  _slow_ ," Shisui corrected him.

Itachi met his eyes after he noticed his deepened voice. He blinked as Shisui grabbed his wrist, stopping him from touching his hair again, and put it down. He wrung the band out from Itachi's fingers and gathered up the mass of his locks in his hand, giving it a strong tug to force Itachi's head back. "I just said you were making me  _impatient_ ," he finished with a hush, as his darkened eyes took steady hold of Itachi's gaze.

Itachi's heart rate sped up.

Shisui stepped closer to Itachi's body now, close enough to make the younger Uchiha feel his body heat. He felt Shisui's breath fanning against his hair as he worked at it again. His hands were more persistent this time, less gentle, as he tugged and combed through the tresses with his callused fingers – the comb forgotten. Itachi's skin prickled, his breathing became slightly hitched, and his face flushed.

Shisui worked in an agonizingly slow pace. He took his time to weave through the hair with his long fingers. He glanced at Itachi once in a while whenever he pulled more harshly, as if daring him to react. Itachi stopped himself from wincing. He held that gaze steadily.

He watched almost shakily as Shisui curled his finger around a lock of hair that had snaked around Itachi's neck. Shisui's fingers brushed against the skin as he dragged the hair back, his eyes focused on that spot, eliciting a tickling sensation as the skin got exposed to the air.

Itachi swallowed.

Shisui's knuckles now brushed against the nape of Itachi's hair as he gathered the dark tresses to tie it again. Itachi could  _hear_  his own heartbeats loudly against the tense silence. Shisui was almost humming under his breath when he finally tied the damn band around the hair, caging it completely.

Itachi felt like he was being pushed against the edge of a cliff.

"You said 'inefficient', huh?" Shisui asked, now resting his hands on Itachi's firm shoulders contentedly. He looked at the younger Uchiha in the mirror past his head, "How about now, 'Tachi?" he whispered.

Itachi's ears buzzed with blood rush, and he couldn't answer. He couldn't hold back his shiver this time when Shisui's thumb caressed the exposed part of Itachi's shoulder beside the shirt he was wearing. He brought his face closer, almost nuzzling against Itachi's ear, and gave a disarming smile. Then he backed away, just like that.

Itachi blinked, wondering if it had all been a dream, if it had been an illusion perhaps. It sure did seem like it, seeing how Shisui was acting all cool like nothing had happened. His heart rate steadied slowly as he watched the other Uchiha walking towards the door. Shisui turned around, "You coming?"

Itachi nodded.

 

.

 

"Hey," Shisui said.

They had returned home from their 'Birthday hang-out' as Shisui had so aptly coined the term. It was late, maybe after midnight. Itachi stopped at his doorstep and turned to Shisui curiously, "Yes?"

Shisui had his hands in his pockets and his eyes were fixed on his foot, which he was dragging continuously over the same spot on the stone pavement, as if trying to remove a stain. Itachi thought he looked childish like this, but stopped the endearing smile that was starting to take root on his lips.

Shisui finally looked up at Itachi, giving a goofy smile, "I take that you had fun tonight?" he asked.

"Shisui, you tried to get me drunk," Itachi deadpanned.

The other chuckled, "And you should have! It's your birthday for gods' sake."

That smile took root on Itachi's lips anyway, "I prefer not to come home filled with booze, Shisui. I think it is safe to say that my parents won't let you near me if that ever happens."

"Ah well," Shisui said, shrugging, "You're missing out on life, my friend."

That last word pulled out between them in the silence. It stretched out and expanded, and it felt a little suffocating, yet, a little incomplete. Something was missing...

Shisui cleared his throat, breaking the awkward silence, "Listen, I'm sorry."

Itachi raised an eyebrow. It was strange that  Shisui was apologizing for something so trivial, like trying to get him drunk.

"And no, it's not for the drinking thing – I  _will_  get you drunk someday, believe me," Shisui affirmed, with a little smirk. Then he scratched the back of his head, "I mean, about what happened this afternoon, with your hair and..." he averted his eyes, "Look, I think I made you a little uncomfortable," his eyes looked at everything except Itachi now, "I don't know what came over me... I..."

Silence again. Itachi's lips, mouth, and throat, everything felt dry.

"You must've hated that-"

"It's alright," Itachi interjected, "You don't have to apologize."

_'I...'_

His skin tingled when he recalled Shisui's feathered touch on his neck.

_'I... liked it...'_

But he couldn't say it.

He met Shisui's black, black eyes, and couldn't look away. He was unable to pull him, yet he couldn't let go either. What was wrong with him?

"Right..." Shisui drawled, giving Itachi an observant look whilst giving one of his easy smiles again as he backed away. His curls blew against the wind and fell over his eyes, filling Itachi with the strange urge to flick them away. "See you tomorrow then," he said, waving and walking away.

Itachi felt restive all of a sudden as he watched Shisui's retreating back, like there was still something he needed to say, something he needed to do...

_'But what?'_

 

.

 

This one happened three weeks ago.

"Yeah, it was a terrible accident," one of his teammates was saying.

Itachi was walking with them in the Black Ops division, along a huge hallway. Other ANBU were also going about the hall, with mission scrolls, charts and plans.

"One of the Hokage's own squad teams-" Itachi's ears perked to that, "-some kind of disagreement with the village leaders there. I heard the Land of Grass had a hidden scorch style user."

Itachi walked in his normal pace, his mask still covering his face as he pieced their conversation together.

"Gosh, that's terrible. I feel bad for them," the other teammate sympathized, "Any idea which team it was? I heard there are only three teams like that, right?"

"Team Shisui..." the other said.

Itachi's index finger twitched, just barely.

"Hey, Captain, don't you know that guy?" the other asked Itachi.

He turned around, "Yes," he replied in an even voice, "Did you hear any more details?"

"Nope, that's all I..."

But Itachi was already gone.

He reached Konoha Hospital in a few minutes and asked about the team. Apparently, all the members had been affected some way or the other, but even the nurses didn't know the details as the treatment was being carried out in secret. However, it was no surprise that his teammates had come to know of this. They were in the ANBU after all.

Itachi soon got a permit from the head nurse after he showed his identification. He then rushed ahead towards the ward without an escort, much to the chagrin of the nurse. Honestly, that time, he couldn't really care less. He didn't like revealing any sign of discomfort through his actions, but he was desperate.

And there were two patients with severe burns. But Itachi wasn't allowed to see them. He just needed to know if-

"Itachi?"

He turned and saw Shisui walking towards him in the hallway. He had on a light green hospital robe, with his right arm in thick bandages and a thick bandaged patch on the right side of his neck. Nothing else.

Itachi took his mask off and surveyed the Uchiha in front of him up and down, confirming no further injuries. Shisui had a strange, amused glint in his eyes as he observed Itachi, "Hey, you look a little pale, you alright?"

"I'm fine," Itachi said, relief flooding inside him, _'You're fine...'_

Shisui still had that same look on his face. His lips then curled up into a small smile, like a whisper.

 

.

 

Shisui had a habit of darting his eyes everywhere except at the person he was talking to when he felt awkward. He also had the habit of rubbing the back of his neck with one hand, closing his eyes in frustration and cricking his neck from side to side whenever he felt uneasy.

Itachi took note of all this as he waited for Shisui to continue his broken, disjointed speech.

"I've been meaning to tell you this for a while, but you know, there's just no time, and, and well, there's also that fear that... you won't like what I have to say..." he gave a sheepish smile.

Seeing that, Itachi felt that tug again. That urge to pull, knowing that if he didn't, he'd let go and that he'd make something important fall, disappear into an abyss.

All the events played out before his eyes as he looked at each little quirk Shisui displayed before him now; his awkward sentences, the way he stretched his neck either side, each time his lashes touched his cheeks when he closed his eyes, and somehow... Shisui's disjointed sentences ending with ellipses started to complete themselves. The blanks started to fill out, one by one.

His black eyes would flicker towards Itachi's from time to time, reminiscent of his shunshin technique. He would wet his lips constantly, reminding Itachi of that feeling when Shisui's fingers had brushed against his skin.

"I was just confused at first, you know," he was still saying, continuing his rambling speech, "Because it's not normal. But... every time I was with you, every time I  _am_  with you, it starts making more and more sense." Shisui said, with only the corner of his lips curling up into a rare smile...

_Like a whisper._

And then, Itachi knew. He'd always known.

"I don't know what will happen if I tell you... I feel like I might... lose you or, uh, I'm just-"

"Shisui. I know," Itachi said.

He pulled up, he didn't let go.

Shisui stopped, looking at Itachi with wide eyes. They stood there in the forest, staring at each other for a long time, "What?" Shisui said, "You... know??"

Itachi just stared back with his half-lidded eyes. He didn't say anything. He only responded by stepping forward and touching his lips to Shisui's – a chaste peck. Those lips felt soft against his, and they managed to elicit a pleasing, buzzing sensation on Itachi's lips, even as he pulled away after a second.

Shisui's eyes fluttered open, and that moment when their eyes met, it felt like a barrier had broken, freeing them of all restraints. Shisui's eyes took hold of Itachi's, the blackness in them slightly glazed. He smiled, "Well, I'm glad you know," was all he said. Then he closed the gap between them, cupped Itachi's face in his hands and kissed him.

Two young  _men_  – both elite shinobi – kissing each other.

Their society was never going to accept this.

But in that moment, with his hands grasping into Shisui's unruly curls and their lips working at each other's furiously, Itachi stopped caring about whether it made sense or not, because it simply didn't matter to him. The only thing he cared about now was that he knew – he was never going to let go.

 

**~**

 

_fin._

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Hope you enjoyed!  
> <3 S.
> 
> I'm on [tumblr](https://altraes.tumblr.com/).


End file.
